Day 2: Curb It

#YourTurnChallenge is a 7-day blogging challenge inspired by the Your Turn book by Seth Godin. I will be taking part in the challenge which starts Monday Jan 19th and ends Sunday Jan 26th. Wish me luck and happy reading


I’ve been trying to stay in the moment and focus on being here, in LA. I have a rough plan of leaving on this crazy US venture in September but the leave date is only in pencil and I’m allowing it to evolve along the way. There’s a lot of planning to do in the next 9 months, which I’m looking forward to, but how do I keep my mind here in the now. As I walk my dog I look at the sky, breath in the fresh air and try to enjoy this moment. A year from now I may be freezing my ass off while walking her in a seasonal State. It’s easy to be in the present when the warm socal January sun is warming your exposed bar arms and face. Others moments aren’t that easy, especially if they gang up on you.

On my days off I spent them working on my blog post, in my studio creating and doing some bike work. I jam theses days full!!! Yesterday I headed back to work after my amazing days away and even though my morning was off to a good start the hours and minutes started to count down to the time I had to leave for the Beast. This is when things got….well….let’s say….out of the moment. It started off small but fierce, the dog started whining for more attention even after an hour long walk, problems with my tools while changing out bike tires, wanting to focus but all four roommates seemed to get under my skin, even when they weren’t home, my computer moving at a snails pace and not responding over and over again. If there was a cricket outside my window its breathing would have erked me. If crickets even breathe, they have gills, right??? Now how does one deal with this my girl left me, dog died, truck broken moment? Well with a little Megadeth. I have found if I play Megadeth as loud as I possibly can while dodging LA traffic it causes rainbows to literally shoot outta my ass!!! It’s truly magical!! Like a bit of Disneyland right in my front seat.

As I arrived to work Megadeth is still blarring and rainbows are totally blinding. I see that I am 30 minutes early, rad. No need for coffee today so I skipped Stumptown and sat in the alley to re edit some work and check my emails. I now have earphones on blaring Megadeth and a possible dingle berry of rainbow still shined. I might be in the moment, ahhhh maybe. After a few minutes just chilling in my new found sacred alley, it became the damn water cooler for the Beast crew. I’m not ready for you people yet; damn you all, I gotta get away; I’m going for a walk. As I walked the streets of LA’s downtown arts district, trying to shake the Beast, I thought what if I kept walking? What if I didn’t turn back? I could keep walking, pack up my car tonight and just leave!!! Hit the road and never look back. Conscience don’t kick in, Midwestern work ethic, go f*ck yourself. This is how great things happen. Right? As my work ethic seeped its way back into my conscience I crossed the street to head back to work. As I was crossing I stepped over a bag of dog sh*t and noticed it read “Here Today Gone Next Year.” And there it lie, my future written on a bag of sh*t.

*I'd love to hear from you, have questions? Comments? Please contact me at casey [at] caseyshepparddesigns [dot] com Thank you again for reading*

Day 1: A Tomboy's Search For Meaning

#YourTurnChallenge is a 7-day blogging challenge inspired by the Your Turn book by Seth Godin. I will be taking part in the challenge which starts Monday Jan 19th and ends Sunday Jan 26th. Wish me luck and happy reading

What makes us happy?

What is happiness to you?

To me?


And why does this question seem less complicated when we were kids, have things gotten more complicated or has our perception shifted?


Maybe we should start from the beginning. 





Indiana Jones Wanna Be 

 I spend most of my childhood loading up my backpack with my trusty notebook, walkman with my favorite tape by Tangerine Dream, all sorts of delicious snacks and a juice box or two. Then I would set off on a grand adventure in the large acres of Nebraska farm fields that were not only my back yard but India, the great pyramids or a dinosaur dig site. I’d spend hours exploring the gravel half mile long drive for fossils, sit in a tree to write my thoughts or jot down a story. I’d come back home and tell my explorations to my mother who would indulge my fantasies over tea. Oh but first I had to empty my pockets of all my newly found treasures, which I later found out to be fools gold and a horses tooth, not what I thought to be ancient tribal gold or a tooth from an undiscovered dinosaur that I would have proudly named “Case-a-saures”.

Other times I’d drag my brother outside and make him build a bike ramp with me. I was convinced it would send me miles high in the air and I would have to hold on for dear life. Ohhh....wait til Mom hears bout this ground breaking dare devil triumph. But alas, at the age of 5 I lacked the skills or patience to create a proper functional ramp or any structure for that matter, except a fort, I was a damn good fort builder. My brother wasn't much help; he was just there to make sure I didn’t kill myself on these crazy hair brained yet amazing ventures. Even though he would have never tried any of my wild ideas I think deep down he was hoping I’d succeed not only because it would make me insanely gitty but him as well.

And the Tomboy is off!!! My first bike, a big wheel! I soooo miss peddling as fast as I could to get to top speed then slamming on the breaks to skid into a 360. You remember. Wish I still had this beaut.

This was my first realization of happiness. Or even the idea of what it felt to be happy, at least that I can remember. What’s changed? Have I changed? I’m no longer a spunky 5 year old tomboy but a grown woman in my 30’s. Maybe I don’t know myself now or who I've become. 

Sam I Am Not 

Who am I? Now that’s a tricky question, or was it? I did realize that my genes were right, I am an artist. This happened when I was living in NYC and exposed to its art world. I then decided to move back home to Nebraska at age 24 to figure out what that really meant. I thought the best way to get started was to volunteer around the community. So I started at the humane society with cleaning animal cages, which is a very brave job, some of those cats were viscous and stink...okay...you're right...some were very sweet. I helped with costumes at the theatre and my mom with running her new café. I also took a few classes at the community college. I found I loved photography. Even though I still use this skill today it’s not the profession for me. I was pretty rad at painting but my heart wasn’t really in it and art history was interesting but not enough to keep my attention. After a lot of trial and error and 10 years this is what I found. I’m an artist, I love playing with tools, fire and metal to make wearable art/jewelry. I have a passion for riding bikes (after a 20+ year hiatus), traveling, food, environment, writing and I thrive for connecting with all these communities. Actually my heart and soul is community. But did all this make me happy? I still felt like something was missing? I needed to figure it out. 

Moving To LaLaLand

I decided to move to Los Angeles to further my career as a jewelry artist which in turn I thought would help me find the missing piece(s) I’d been searching for. Goal, to sell jewelry to rock stars…..rad!!! I hit the ground running. I worked with a top designer who made jewelry for rock stars, was picked up by a killer boutique that also carried the artist I worked for. I was mountain biking with a crew of cyclists who rode all sorts of fun trails in and around LA. I was working at one of the top restaurants in the city and dating a personal training from the east coast. My boyfriend lived in the Hollywood Hills and was exposing me to all different parts of Hollywood and the city. Sounds pretty damn perfect. But something was off. Even though I was trying to convince myself that this is what I wanted and that this would eventually make me happy I wasn't. But I was determined not to fail. Cause if I failed Los Angeles that meant I failed my family, my friends and everyone that believed and didn’t believe in me. Didn't it? 

Sometimes You Just Need A Swift Smack Upside The Head 

A few months back I picked up my boyfriend from the airport and he told me he had been unfaith. Initially there was shock, rage and downing a bottle of Japanese whisky but then something came over me that took me by surprise, relief. I felt a weight lift off me and I actually smiled then laughed in, yes, happiness. I had thought if I lived the life you are suppose to, find the dream or big shot job, have the coolest studio space, have all the impressive gadgets, success in a big city, be at the top, hang at the best spot on the beach, perfect body, boyfriend….blah blah blah….no. I was wrong, again. So what if I failed, I’ve learned that you can find out a lot by failing. But I wasn’t failing I actually was succeeding. What if I didn't want this success? And If not, then what did I want?  

NPR, Gets Me Everytime


It was a typical Sunday and I was in my car running errands. As I was driving I was listening to NPR and a story about Roz Savage. Roz was the first women to row solo across the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Ocean. Row a boat solo across an ocean, unsupported. Wow that’s badass, puts my 545 mile supported bike ride from San Fran to LA to shame. As I listened over the next minutes, maybe hour while sitting in my car in a strip mall parking lot, dog patiently sitting in back longing to go home, it hit me, Roz and I have something in common. We are/were both scared to live the life that would make us happy. We both have different reasons but the same result. She found her happiness in rowing across vast bodies of water alone. Would I find my happiness there? I think not, I can't snorkel without holding onto someones hand for dear life plus that just doesn't appeal to me. When I got home I found myself more intrigued with her story so I ordered her book. I wanted to hear her story. 

As I awaited for her spiritual guidance to show up in my mailbox I longed for what would come from this. Would Roz change my life? My shelf was filled with books of adventures and life stories. I felt like I was one of those helpless people who are so desperate and unhappy with their lives that they long for that new self help book to come out so maybe, just maybe this time they would conger up the courage to do something about it. “Cause I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it people like me.” Right. What? Was I that pathetic? At times I know we can all get down on ourselves, that’s what makes us human. But at this point I was feeling far from human.  

Finally the book arrived. I was sooo eager to read it and hear Roz's story but for some reason I just let it sit on my night stand. I think I’ll watch a movie instead. As I watched a movie I sat there thinking “Why are you being such a chickensh*t?” Was I scared that it had nothing to do with Roz and I already knew what made me happy? Why couldn’t I face my happiness? What’s wrong with me?

n my self pity I spent that night writing a letter to my ex saying maybe we could be friends. I addressed the envelop, placed a stamp on it and set it on the entry ready to be mailed. I was exhausted from my persistent Virgo thoughts so I went to bed.
  
Light Bulb Moment

People talk about waking in the middle of the night with an epiphany, I always thought those types were full of it. Waking in the night is for a sleep walking or a pee break. I was about to be proven wrong, I woke up that morning at 4am! I couldn’t sleep; I was restless, almost pissy. Friends!!! You want to be friends!!! I couldn’t send that letter. I didn’t even want to send it. I was running, running back to where it felt safe. I was running back to the arms of denial ready to hide once again. What are you thinking? I had to get my mind off things or I was gonna freak so I grabbed Roz’s book from the night stand and read. About a page and a half into her book I read the lines “deciding at age thirty-six to reinvent myself as an adventurer” I started to cry. I'm 36. A calm came over me. I felt centered and at peace and at that moment I finally faced my happiness. I knew exactly what I needed to do, it had nothing to do with anyone else but myself. It was time to finally grow up and give into my childish dreams.

This is what I wrote that morning at 5am.

My goal is to travel the US with my dog, my bike and my studio.
How am I going to do this? I don’t know.

Will it make me happy? I don’t know but I’m in pursuit of it.

*If you have any questions or comments please be in touch at casey [at] caseyshepparddesigns [dot] com, thanks again for reading.*

Giving Back

 

As I was driving in my car Sunday I was listening to NPR's show TED radio hour. They were talking to Roz Savages, the first women to row across the atlantic by herself and Philippe Petit who walked a tight rope between the trade tours. There lives and stories are inspiring....Philippe said in his talk "the impossible is a human invention". So fitting for this blog post!!! 

December 1st is World AIDS day and for World AIDS Day I've decided to give back by joining my AIDS/Lifecyle family once again! That's right I've signed up for the 2015 ALC!!!! And since December 2nd is Giving Tuesday I'm giving back. All items will be 40% off with promo code GIVEBACK and 10% of all my sales will go to the AIDS/Lifecyle. And if you'd like to just give directly here is the link.

http://www.aidslifecycle.org/

I've also created a team this year....more info at the end of this letter but heres a link to join my team (our team)!!

http://www.tofighthiv.org/site/TR/Events/AIDSLifeCycleCenter?px=3070983&pg=personal&fr_id=1770

I know this is over due and I apologize for the delay...here is my recap from 2014 AIDS/Lifecycle...thank you to everyone for your support and love, this was not possible without you!!!

As you know, my friend Sylva asked me to join her on this crazy venture and I jumped at the chance. Bike touring and for a fantastic cause, hellz yeah I'm game! We raised over $7k together in less than two months by having a drag party, movie night and other FUNdraising events....thanks to all of you for your support!!! We thought the money raising would be the hard part. Ahhh no. While I was packing for the trip, it finally hit me, we are going to try and ride 545 miles in 7 days, are we nuts!!! Guess we were!!!

Getting all my tools together (which I really didn't need, this ride had bike mechanics and supplies above and beyond my expectations)...and Hidalgo flying her PCL pride!!


Once we got to San Fran (thanks to Deb and Tish for taking us up there...go fantastic) we road our bikes from the hotel to sign in. That's I think when it became real. At sign in, wow, we are really doing this and how!!! Back to the hotel to try and sleep so we can get up early in the am. Okay lets do it!!! We arrived at the event center the next morning at 5am ready (ish) to role. I had butterflies rolling like crazy. I knew I had to eat and drink water even if my body won't let me. I am thankful for bike racing, it has helped to center my nerves so that I could take care of my body, which is imperative to events like this and racing.
The nerves and the miles I was ready for, the impact that this event was about to have on my life, I was not ready for. The impact hit the moment I stepped into the main stage with over 2k other riders and is still with me. This is what happened.

AIDS/LifeCycle 2014 Begins 9 ratings 1,339 views

It became very apparent that the 545 miles was the setting for the most loving, supportive, motivated, organized community...family that had one thing in common, to fight AIDS/HIV. As the miles started I began to notice other riders and the photos they carried on their bikes in remembrance of those that had past or the ones they were riding for. I got to thinking, I don't know anyone with this illness so how can I make an impact, how can I help and at times why am I here??? As the day went on, I felt the struggle of riding, the emotions, the doubt but at the moment of wanting to give in there was an outburst of love and support. When we rode into Santa Cruz, our first camp  stop, there were people yelling "you're our heros, thank you for riding" while holding photos of their lost ones. The flood gates opened, at that moment I knew that I belonged here!!!! As the days rolled on the miles became harder but with every hill or challenge we all became more connected and more supportive. And with each rest stop the drag shows starting trumping each other. At one point,  I think it was about day 4 or 5, we had been battling a head wind, all day long. The last 5 miles were the worst.   When I finally rolled in I was done, completely beat to shit. Thinking I won't, actually that I couldn't ride any more miles, my AIDS/Lifecyle ride was over. But as I parked my bike and stumbled towards the luggage truck a women put this letter in my hand. She was a teacher at the local school and had asked her students to write the riders letters. After I read my letter from Hannah I folded it up, put it in my pocket and with a smile I wiped my tears away and began my prep for the next days ride. I was back in. Thank you Hannah! If I had to pick the best part of ALC I'd say the drag shows...or maybe the bike mechanics. The costumes are damn rad...there are events, movies, cheerleaders and the views, ahhhh man....oh and the FOOOD!!!! We got to eat as much as we wanted...I can't tell ya if it was good or not but there was plenty!!! Nothing better than stuffing your face after a day full of miles...like the day I  rolled in and Sylva and I just looked at each other with the same look of "holy shit that was soooo hard" but we made it. This was day 6, into Venture, the hardest day I had had yet. About 10 miles out I was breaking down, bonking HARD!! Bonking is what happens when you mentally and physically can't go anymore, it usually means you need more water, food and a break. I've found  that if I eat a bit, sip some water while on the bike that after 5 or 10 minutes (which feels like hours) I can usually break through this block. This wasn't happening for me, my little racing tricks weren't working. I just wanted to curl up in the ditch with my bike and sleep til the end of time. As I was looking for a place to literally ditch my bike  the remembrance pictures that decked out the other riders bikes came into my head and I couldn't get them out!!! As I fought to clear my head so I could find my escape route It hit me, if those people in the photos were here they won't be complaining about the miles, thinking they wanted to tuck away in the ditch. They would be happy that they could even just be on the bike.  I had nothing to complain about, to cry about. I am here, alive, healthy and able. I can do this!!! Those amazing positive thoughts stayed with me not only for the next 10 miles but still today. This is why we ride, this is why we are all here. Once we rolled to the finish, it was so surreal! We did it, I can't believe it!!! As I sat with my family at the finish, I was over taken with thoughts. I couldn't talk, really think. I had become a part of something bigger than I could have ever imaged. It brought my friends and family together and gazillion other strangers. I felt like the world was together as one, full of love. And then I had to go home, I didn't want to go. I thought, why can't we just do the same thing tomorrow and just keep going. We could ride to Antarctica. Come on, let's go.  I didn't want to leave my new family. After my struggles of moving to LA and not feeling like I fit here, I finally belonged somewhere!!! 2014 AIDS/Lifecylce Finish The AIDS/Lifecycle is a life changing event. It reminded me that anything is possible, just close your eyes and jump!!! So if you are wanting to jump, join me. I've started a team this year Team "Iron Maiden", no this is not an all female Iron Maiden tribute band, this is a male, female, transgender, all gender, homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, old, young, black, white, red, blue and live in LA, nebraska, Paris or India and want to spend a week in sunny Cali, see breathe taking views and be apart of something damn rad then join me as a rider or as a roadie!! Click the link below for further details and please contact me with any questions, concerns or comments....let's ride to end AIDS!!!   Riders Info: raise at least $3k and $95 to register Roadies Info: no fundraise amount required but know yall join in and $95 to register For more information: http://www.aidslifecycle.org/ To join Team Iron Maiden: http://www.tofighthiv.org/site/TR/Events/AIDSLifeCycleCenter?px=3070983&pg=personal&fr_id=1770 Use Promo: GRATEFUL for $20 off   Who knows maybe I'll trying riding across the US next....anythings possible, right!!!! Thank you after party, yes that's MY name!!! Gotta say, Thank you ALC!!!!

Black Friday Radness

 Oh happy time of year, I find myself wanting to do good for others. Treat my kith and kin with good fortune. Snuggle up with the warmth of a spiced cider next to the glowing blaze of a winter fire.
Others find themselves camped out on frozen concrete, sandwiched between the D&D obsessed guy who's longing for the newest electronic stimuli and the middle aged mom who's determined to get whatever trending must have toy her little tikes just can't live without. Before the butt crack of dawn the doors are open and everyone is off like a shot!!! Dragging, pulling, pushing, snatching, tackling....Ohhhh All hail Black Friday!!!!

Ready to get in on the fun!!!! That's right, I'm taking part in the madness!!!

I'll be posting photos to my instagram and facebook page as a preview...make sure to check them out!!!

Etsy Shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/CaseySheppardDesigns

Instagram: http://instagram.com/caseyshepparddesigns

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Casey-Sheppard-Designs/84190561475?ref=hl&pnref=about.overview

Pass along the word and let's make this Black Friday Rad, not mad!!!! (okay a bit cheesy, I agree but wait til you see the next video...and get on it!!)

Omega

Charlton Heston did it right...even when he was the last man on earth it didn't stop him from gettin' all spiffy and playing chess with a mannequin. Think Andrew McCarthy had a better idea of what to do with a mannequin but there is no judgment here!!!

Before I get too off point let me get to the point!!! I am super excited to share with you all my debut article as a writer!!! That's right kiddies, this girl can write (somewhat, thank goodness for editors cause I can'ts really spell that good!!!)!!! In the current issue of Art Jewelry Magazine (September 2014) on page 48 read my how to article on how you can create an Omega Clip!!

Why the Omega Clip??? Well....I was fumbling around with the idea of adding omega clips to my earrings since I am always wanting to go bigger and bigger....but I couldn't find any place or book that could show me how to make one by hand. All the information I found was on how to buy the mechanism and solder or place it on the back of an earring. So with the screeching sounds of apes in my studio (was watching Gorillas in the Mist, India may look like an ape but she's not allowed to screech inside) I spent an afternoon figuring out how to conquer this beast!!!

One of my favorite things bout the jewelry/metalsmithing community is sharing information!! So I am soooo happy to share this with you all!!! Please check out the issue and a big big thank you to Hazel, Annie, Theresa and everyone else at Art Jewelry Magazine!!! You all are RAD!!! Now show up Charlton by putting on your flashiest garb and create these clips for yourself....come on now!!!





This is the shortest update yet but things are a bit busy in the city......much more to come but for now gonna leave ya a little taste or feel of what Lola and I do all day....run....I may not be running to save a life but I am running to create mine in LA (damn that was serious)...Happy Labor Day all....til next time!!!!

"Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere...."

Life is so strange sometimes...I feel like it's taking me nowhere, well at least that's the way I felt over the last couple of months...but things are starting to have a bit of a golden feel to them...(I luuuuuve Bowie, just saying)....

I remember as a kid that every time I went to my moms office I would dig in her desk drawer to take a peek at this marble she kept. This wasn't an average marble it had the golden rule written on the side "do to others as you would have them do to you". I've always tried to live my life with that in mind. LA seems short of people that feel the same way, but I've lucked out. I'm taking part in this great event that will have me submerged in goodness. Plus I was invited to ride this event with one of the golden ones...

I'll be riding 545 miles in 7 days from San Fransisco to Los Angeles on June 1st but first I need to raise $3k to take part in this amazing event! If you'd like to help by donating, remember, no amount is too small. If you aren't able to donate and still would like to show your support then post this link to your facebook page.

Click to donate or see my profile page:

http://www.tofighthiv.org/site/TR/AIDSLIFECYCLE2014/AIDSLifeCycleCenter?px=3070983&pg=personal&fr_id=1630 

As some of you might know, I'm an avid cyclist and bike touring is something I've wanted to get into. While I explore the intro to bike touring I will also be helping others in need. It's a win win for all. I created a new blog so you can see my progression. I will be posting updates, training information (I'm training on the streets of LA instead of what I've been use to, the countryside of Nebraska, a bit different) and about the event it's self. A friend from Nebraska who did this event said it was life changing and for such a great cause, to help end HIV/AIDS.

Follow my new blog bout my new bike adventure:

http://chopslalaland.blogspot.com/ 



In the myst of my training I will head to Minneapolis for the 43rd Annual SNAG Conference "From Grains to Gold". I get to meet all sorts of super rad people, socializing with metalsmiths from around the world!!! Plus my kickass jeweler friends in Minneapolis helped to set this up...way to go ladies...can't wait to see what you have in store for us!!!

"D Zed" will be featured in the "A Night of Glamour & Gold" Event, I will be showing at the trunk show and helping out by volunteering during the event!!! Gonna be a busy few days, can't wait....check out all the other amazing and happening things at SNAG...

http://www.snagmetalsmith.org/conferences/from-grains-to-gold/programming/fundraisers/ 

I've been working on new work that I am really excited about (photos soon), I have a great internship with an outstanding headdress artist and my etsy shop it bout to go live!! Starting Monday my shop will be a go!!! I need to make room for new work so there will be great sales and fun items. Also 10% of the sales will go to help fundraise my AIDS LifeCycle adventure!!! Another win win, rad jewelry and help others in need!!! Kick ass!!!

www.etsy.com/shop/caseyshepparddesigns

I hope this post leaves you feeling good inside, inspires you to help others or to just go get rad....oh and don't forgot bout the golden rule....

Happy Spanking New Year

Well it's that time of year again, to pull out your Sweatin to the Oldies videos, start that fad diet, maybe even work on that sailor's mouth...in other words turn into the person you think you are suppose to become....I say screw it....

I've decided that this year is gonna be filled with having fun, being yourself and just enjoying life...ohhh and breaking the rules a little (can't help myself)...
(quick side note, if you are a skinny white girl don't dress as a Harlem Globetrotter, afro and all, for Halloween...you might be mistaken for Richard Simmons and yes I'm speaking from experience)

Talk bout being yourself....or something like that.... 

 Inside the Madness....

Now that I feel a bit settled and in place (of sorts) in LA I finally have had some studio time!!! Hellz Yeah...here is a little peek into whats to come...

"Gimme Gimmes" Earrings 

 "La La's Land" Earrings  

Copper, Brass and Leather Cuff in the works...

Current and Future Radness....

Not only will a bunch of kickass jewelers be featured in this upcoming book by Lorena Angulo but I'm a part of it as well...

In February "Behind the Brooch" ...which explores the back side of jewelry...will be available for all your pretty little fingers to fondle over...and you can even pre order it...hot damn...Thanks so much Lorena, super excited to be a part of this...

For further details and info...http://www.lorenaangulo.com/

Photo OPPs....

While home for the holidays I was able to spend some quality time with family and friends...this time of year seems to bring out the inner demon...errrr...child in all of us...

Bro's new gnome alien sweater...rad...

Mo sharing some Holiday Cheer!!!

Seeing if I've got what it takes to be a Betty (Crocker)

Holiday Spirits with My Dad and Aunt, nothing says class like plastic cup wine glasses

Riding in La La Land, yep it's winter out...kind of digging SoCal right now...

There is so much in the works right now...I will keep y'all posted...it's gonna be an exciting 2014!!! Leaving you with a song by a kickass Lincoln band that, well, kicks ass...Mercy Rule...Hope that your 2014 is already filled with impossible greatness and muchness....